Ran originally in January 31, 2021 editions of The Times and The News Star.

Hurt me that Larry “The Interview” King died this week at 87, but did you know he worked in Shreveport-Bossier in the early 1970s? Been so long you might have known and forgotten…More in a moment but first…

Thought I was having a bad day this week until this headline ambushed me: “China rolls out anal swab coronavirus test, saying it’s more accurate.” The traffic jam and the annoying phone call and the twice-a-week nose swabs I’ve complained about were suddenly not so bad. Goodbye, Beijing! No thank you on the anal swab, a two-word phrase I have never typed and will never type again. The best two-word phrases ever are Free Golf and Let’s Eat. The worst is the two-word phrase causing panic today from Shanghai to Chengdu…

So you knew Larry King worked in public relations at Louisiana Downs and did color for the Shreveport Steamer football radio broadcasts way back when, right? A few years later he began writing a weekly column, sort of rambling musings, for USA TODAY, from 1982-2001. They were filled with ellipsis…it’s these three dots that strung his thoughts together…so today’s effort is dedicated to him. From 1985-2010, Larry King Live on CNN was must-see TV as he interviewed everyone from presidents to butchers to writers. It was a graduate class in interviewing: he’d ask efficiently and shut up and listen intently…He also spoke one early Saturday morning at our Louisiana Sports Writers Association annual convention to a bunch of us members in a little meeting room at a hotel on Lake Street in Shreveport. Hilarious and engaging…this was pre-heart attacks so he was chain-smoking matchstick-thin cigarettes as long as a trombone…

Got my first store-bought haircut in 11 months this week. Hilda my Emergency Barber said, “I don’t know where to start,” so she just brushed my hair into a big ball, wrestled a comb into it, pulled, and electric clippered row after row of what were basically strands of barbed wire that had some of the characteristics of human hair. Reminded me of weed eating. Took five minutes and my head weighs 10 pounds less now…How does a plane fly? The air is thin when I walk though it every day, so how is it thick enough to hold a plane?…And the old joke about the Thermos: it keeps things either hot or cold. But how does it know which one, hot or cold, I’m putting into it? A Thermos is smarter than me and probably understands how a plane flies too…

Spousal unit was craving Chocolate Cheerios, which have been AWOL at the store for nine months, so she ordered some online. Who knew? Cost: 10 bucks. At least it was the extra-large box. (It’s a good pre-bedtime snack.) When I picked the shipping box up off the porch my thought was, “We ordered a puzzle?”…Speaking of delivery, no clue here how any major delivery operation, including the US Postal Service, operates. How does it work? How CAN it work? No way it should. Another question for another time…I am either always loading or unloading the dishwasher…

Got a Dad Joke Desk Calendar for Christmas and am driving people crazy and it’s only January. What do you call an elephant that no one cares about? Mr. Irrelephant…Reason One Million and Five why the NCAA institutions need a Czar of some sort to oversee things: No one knows what to do about postseason hoops tournaments. Do you play league tournaments or not? Who plays and where? If you qualify for the Big Dance but then test positive for the virus between your league tournament and the NCAA Championship Tournament, does a replacement team step in, and who might that be? No uniform rule yet, and don’t hold your breath…

Hurts me that Dawn Wells passed away in December at 82. The fetching Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island, she once signed a head shot of herself for me to give to a friend. She wrote, “Rescue me!” Exclamation point and everything…Ditto Cloris Leachman, who died this week at 94. Perfect as Phyllis Lindstrom on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, but my favorite work of hers is as Frau Blücher in Mel Brooks’ 1974 classic, Young Frankenstein. Her “Ovaltine” scene is the best. Google that and also the outtakes from the movie. You’ll laugh so hard you’ll send me flowers. Or chocolates. Or Chocolate Cheerios…

Until next time…

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By JOHN JAMES MARSHALL/Designated Writers

A pile of notes from watching Tampa Bay’s 31-9 win over Kansas City in Super Bowl LV:

*** There’s always going to be too much hype for a Super Bowl — it’s what the game is built on — but if we learned anything from this game is that everyone needs to tap the breaks on Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes. He’s a great player and is very exciting, but he hasn’t been in the league long enough to get draw the pre-game accolades that he was getting. He might win the next five Super Bowls, but as of now, he’s got the same amount of rings as Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson and Mark Rypien. And is it just me, or does it look like his helmet doesn’t fit properly?

*** I understand why Tom Brady was voted as the MVP, but I would have voted for linebacker Devin White. The award needed to go to someone on the Tampa Bay defense because that was truly what won the game. And since you couldn’t vote for defensive coordinator Todd Bowles, White would be the next best choice with his 12 tackles, two behind the line and an interception.

*** It had no bearing on the game, but don’t try to tell me that was a neutral field. Tampa Bay became the first team in 55 years of Super Bowls to play in its home stadium and my ears told me that there was a definite home field advantage. Granted, there wasn’t much of a reason for any Kansas City fans at Raymond James Stadium to cheer, but despite the NFL’s efforts, it certainly felt like a Bucs home game, even though they weren’t allowed to shoot the cannon after a score like they normally do during the regular season. Then again, they might have run out of ammo.

*** Can Tampa Bay coach Bruce Arians launch the space shuttle with that contraption strapped to his chest? That’s an awful lot of buttons to push in a strange configuration.

*** Every time I looked at this year’s Super Bowl logo, I thought it was some kind of salute to Liv Tyler. The Roman numerals — L for 50 and V for 5 — are well established by the NFL (except for the 50th, when they changed to Regular Numerals because they thought the “L” would make people think of “Loser.”) But putting the trophy in the middle of the logo made it look too much like LIV.

*** Jim Nantz did his best to use every obscure note he has written down for the last two weeks. Tony Romo did his best to make sure that there wasn’t never a millisecond in which he didn’t have something to say.

*** The last time I watched a Super Bowl halftime, Up With People was performing. I kept that streak intact, but my people told me that The Weeknd did a fine job. A couple of questions — (1) What happened to the vowel? (2) What does he do the other five days of the week?

*** The NFL had its first female official (Sarah Thomas) to work a Super Bowl. Who would have guessed that she wouldn’t have the longest hair on the field. The Kansas City punter, Tommy Townsend, had her beat. Sarah could probably punt better than Tommy, judging by Sunday’s performance.

*** Nice try, CBS, but I didn’t stay around to see The Equalizer.