KENNY ROGERS’ TOP 10 ROASTER LOCATIONS SONGS

By TEDDY ALLEN/Designated Writers

JJ and I moved swiftly to get up a video tribute to Kenny Rogers, the chicken magnate who passed away surrounded by loved ones at age 81 Friday night. We love Kenny.

The video should be somewhere on this page in one of the nine spots in the batting order. Possibly the Rickey Henderson spot. Kenny deserves to bat leadoff.

His Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurants were a thing in the 1990s, although we never went to one. And you can’t go to one now unless you’re in Asia, where the last ones are. This is an endearing and enduring chain to us though because it was immortalized in a Seinfeld episode. (Kramer: “Kenny? KENNY!?”)

JJ could not appear on camera because he was too upset. Understandably. These are hard times and now this. (Plus JJ’s down to five rolls of toilet paper; only so much a man can take.)

Speaking of hard times, DW is a corona-free zone. JJ and I are not in panic mode but we aren’t treating the situation with a cavalier attitude either. JJ was WAY over there and I was WAY over here during filming; and no animals were hurt during the making of the video.

But here’s the thing: besides being a bidnessman, Kenny was also a singer of note. True that. Apparently a better singer than bidnessman because … well, like we said … Asia. You could not swing a cat in the 1970s and 1980s without hitting a No. 1 Kenny tune. Boy was hot as the Fourth of July.

Kenny was also one thing besides sports that JJ and I could talk about, musically, as Louisiana Tech students when Kenny was at the height of his musical powers. I saw Kenny in Hirsch around 1981; he had on a black shirt with white polka dotst, black pants, peach sportjacket. Sharp as a tack.

T. Graham Brown (Hell and High Water, She Couldn’t Love Me Anymore, Darlene) opened for him. I went by myself, as I did to the Statlers and Barbara Mandrell, Hank Jr. and David Allan Coe, Statlers and Barb again. Ask a girl to go with you to see the Statler Brothers and you can pretty much write off ever talking to her again, much less her going. There are some things a man has to do alone. And it’s better for everyone that he does.

Kenny was also on one end of many duets. We’ve Got Tonight with Sheena Easton. Don’t Fall in Love with a Dreamer with Kim Carnes. I immediately turned the radio off if I heard either of those after hearing them the first time. BUT, he was a duet stud and in this bureau, here are the Top Five Kenny Duets:

1. Every Time Two Fools Collide with Dottie West. This song would make a glass eye cry.
2. All I Ever Need is You with Dottie West (Used to sing this with our old friend Debbie Alexander and the Sweet But True Band at Tech. True story. Didn’t sing it very well but Debbie did.)
3. Christmas Without You with Dolly Parton. Seasonal but a great tune.
4. Islands in the Stream with Dolly again. (Hello, Dolly!)
5. ’Til I Can’t Take It Anymore with Dottie West (co-written by the bonafide Tammy “WhyNot,” the GOAT for me. Don’t get me started on I Don’t Wanna Play House.)

And now Kenny’s Top 10 According to Me, even though I leave out JJ’s favorite, Lady, written by Lionel Richie, Kenny’s second-best selling song ever. Lady is a little too close for comfort for me, a little too romantic or something. Instead of Kenny singing Lady I always her George Carlin saying, in a drunk guy Northern accent, “Hey LADY, I need a cocktail. Get us some cocktails over here!” Unsettling. Itt’s like Kenny’s trying too hard. “Hey Kenny, get a room!”

And his biggest seller, Lucille, isn’t on here either. I know: I picked a fine time to leave it off the list. The Gambler does not make the cut either. Or Coward of the County, written by Don Schlitz (great name for a country music songwriter), an album we wore out in Hutcheson dorm 40 years ago. All biggies. But not Top 10ers in this bureau. That’s how good Kenny was.

1. Batting leadoff and written by the great M-M-Mel Tillis, Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town. (“You’ve painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair…”)
2. Daytime Friends and Nightime Lovers
3. Rueben James (“I loved you then and I love you now, Reuben James…”)
4. Love or Something Like It
5. Scarlet Fever (“Now I get Scarlet fever/every time I see her/But she’s a night club teaser/Not paid to notice me.” True, it’s not very sophisticated but … it’s good stuff.)
6. She Believes in Me. (Heard him debut it on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and at the time, he said it was his favorite song. That would be in 1978.)
7. I Don’t Need You, (satirical because he DOES need her like a duck needs water. Solid song. Kenny had some pipes.)
8. Love Will Turn You Around
9. You Decorated My Life
10. I Just Dropped in to See What Condition My Condition Was In, with the First Edition. A Top 10er on the title alone.

Hope he broke even. In our book, Kenny Rogers was way ahead and playing with house money for the past 30 years. Hat in hand, we thank him

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Ran originally in the Sunday March 15 editions of The Times and The News Star.

Let’s do what we did last week and talk about drive-in theatres, for a couple of reasons.

One, every time I try to write about something important like the ongoing coronavirus epidemic, I screw it up. Besides, I am not medically trained — made a D in biology in college — so what do I know?

If I were to write about it, I would say write that you can’t mess around with Mother Nature. She is indifferent and undefeated. You have a game to play or a championship to win? Mweh. Mother N could not care less, and with her track record, we defer to Her. Again, it’s not that She is out to get any of us. She is indifferent. Read The Open Boat by Stephen Crane sometime, a free short story based on a true event; you can Google it.

Sobering.

Nobody wants to postpone or cancel events or games — it’s heartbreaking considering student-athletes — just like nobody likes lightning delays at sporting events. But here’s the deal: if lightning hits someone, I don’t want to be there when it happens. And I don’t want to give anyone’s grandmother or grandfather a virus there’s no medicine for yet.

But again, my opinion doesn’t matter as I know less about the current medical scare and virus than I know about nanotechnology, women, or the gross national product of Liechtenstein. Or even precisely where Liechtenstein is.

But I do know a bit about drive-ins theatres, and apparently so do you. Last week’s effort about the Galaxy Drive-In Movie Theatre in Enni, Texas, a welcomed relic, generated more mail than expected. Since all of you are quarantined and we can’t actually go to a drive-in together right now, I wanted to share some of our friends’ memories. Many of you had coming-of-age moments at the drive-in; we’ve edited those parts out …

From Jane: “Many years ago I discovered Colorado and started visiting regularly. One of the things that keeps me visiting is a drive-in movie in Buena Vista on US Hwy 24. I’m mostly there in the summer, so don’t know if it is even open in other seasons. There was a theatre in town, but it closed. There were two theatres in nearby Salida — both closed. So now it’s movies from the library or the drive-in. I usually visit the drive-in at least once each trip. I saw the perfect movie there back when the movie was new: ‘Twister.’ So perfect!

“However, our current cars do make it more difficult watching. Only the front seat can really see because of the head rests. The rear view mirror is in the way because of the way it is attached to the window and it can’t be adjusted out of the way.

“But the ambience is still there. Popcorn, candy, hot dogs, drinks all sold in the concession stand. For the diehards it is still fun, but if there are more than two of you, bring folding chairs, quilts, mosquito spray. A real experience!”

From Curtis: “Anyone who grew up in the ’50s and ’60s has a story or two about the drive-in. I even remember going to the one in Ruston about 1971 I think it was, and there were still two in the area when I moved to Shreveport in ’72.  But I grew up in Springhill where the drive-in was the place to be. We had to buy those mosquito repellents that you lit and set on your dashboard … lol.

“But the one night I remember, in the late ’50s, we were at the drive-in when word began to circulate that Jerry Lee Lewis was spotted at Brown’s Cafe in Cullen, which I’m sure you know was the little town right in front of the paper mill. Well we left and drove over to see if it was true and sure enough, parked outside was his big long baby blue Cadillac, and there he was with a few of his people, sitting at a table having dinner. I got his autograph on a napkin but it’s long been gone.”

From Jim: “In my little ole Mississippi railroad hometown of McComb, we had only one outdoor theater, the Ren Drive-In. How was that for a catchy name?

“Like everywhere, I suppose, a lot of cars that came in with only a driver and one passenger were actually carrying two or three more non-paying movie lovers in the trunk.”

From Maurice: “We had a Twin Drive-In and I thought that was great. Drive-Ins are what bring young people from the adolescent to grown-up stage. Thanks again for something to replace the virus, shootings, and other issues of the day — we needed that!”

And finally, from John: “My mom took us to see The Blob at the old Star Drive-In in a 1953 Oldsmobile Rocket 88, four-door. From the back seat you could see the whole screen fine. Kinda brings tears…”

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