Thanksgiving Day, Designated Writers will take the day off to overeat food and over-watch football and stealthily dodge anything that even looks like it might resemble work — unless it entails walking to an icebox.

And no, you do not have to eat Traditional Thanksgiving Food to be legit. I ate cheeseburgers on Thanksgiving when I was growing up. It didn’t hurt me. (Wait…oh dear God! Maybe THAT’s why…?)

We will be back Friday and John James, unless he is in a sweet potato casserole coma — he won’t be in a ham or dressing or cranberry sauce coma because he won’t eat them (I know, right?!) — will bring you a Black Friday Special Edition Daily Happen.

You will want to check that out. It’s for your own good.

Today’s Happen is only a flare over the bow to say that Black Friday Eve Eve is upon us. To me, this means squat. I would be caught at a soccer match or parade before I would be caught out and about in the world of retail on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

But if I WERE planning to go out on Black Friday, here is what I’d do to prepare: Pay someone $100 to make sure I DON’T go. Tie me up. Drug me. Put me in time out. It would be the best 100 big ones I’ve ever spent. That includes the time I spent that much to ride the Swamp Fox rollercoaster over and over again from daylight to dusk at the beach in South Carolina, so I’m saying something here.

Here is how to properly prepare for Black Friday, or at least how I do it:

About 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day — Black Friday Eve — throw out the ceremonial first deviled egg. Throw out the second one about 10:05.

About 11 a.m., you are ready for My Spousal’s Crab Dip. This is a constant all day, or until you run out of Ritz.

Eat at 1. That way you can re-eat at 6.

Between eatings, find desserts. Maybe a cup of coffee. A couch. Pretend to watch football.

Rinse, repeat.

Sleep ’til 8 Friday, wake and say, “Dang, too late now; I’ve missed all the good sales.” Then throw out Black Friday’s ceremonial first deviled egg, pat yourself on the back — or on the stomach — and enjoy your day.

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I am here to announce my candidacy to be the Denning Professor in Global Business and the Economy at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

According to ESPN, there could be an opening there.

The “report” that the Cleveland Browns want to interview Condoleezza Rice about the head coaching job is staggering on so many levels. You wonder how something like this got started.

Did the Browns do it for the publicity? Are the trying to help their diversity street cred? Of course, they can’t be serious (well, they are the Browns, so maybe they are) but something had to happen to get all of this started. And from there, it made its way to Adam Schefter, one of the best and most reliable reporters in all of sports journalism.

Schefter tweeted on Sunday “Browns interested in interviewing Condoleezza Rice for head coaching job, source tells” and also actually said it on TV with a straight face. It doesn’t pass the smell test on any level and you wonder how it got past Schefter’s nose as well.

If so, this will greatly impact the traditional road to the top to being a head coach. No more will aspiring coaches go the graduate assistant or high school route. If you can become a Denning Professor in Global Business at Stanford, doors will start flying open.

The fact that all parties involved are denying this — Schefter even re-tweeted Rice’s denial — seems to have helped put this story to rest.

Still, you have to wonder how this made it’s way to a reliable, trusted reporter. I’m not sure which is worse — if it’s true or if it’s not.