One of the great things about opening up a newspaper (you remember those, don’t you?) or logging onto a news site is that you never know what you might read about.

The latest revelation came when I discovered the names Nicki Minaj and Jesse Palmer in the same sentence. I know who Palmer is; I barely know who Minaj is.

How did these people get mentioned together? The old fashioned way — one of them is threatening to file suit against the other one.

As you might guess, Nicki Minaj is usually not on my radar. I’ve seen her in a movie, I hear she’s a rapper and I know she wears a lot of wigs. That’s it. To be honest, she could walk in the room with Mary J. Blige and Missy Elliott and I’d have no clue.

Jesse Palmer is a different story. That guy is everywhere, from being a marginally decent quarterback at Florida to to the NFL for a cup of coffee to The Bachelor (so proud of myself for never watching) to being a college football analyst on ESPN (where he actually does a pretty good job). I see him on some goofy cooking commercial that I can’t decide if it’s real or a joke.

Little did I know that Mr. Palmer is also hosts a show on something that is called Daily Mail TV. Which brings us back to Miss Minaj.

Palmer reported on his newscast the Nicki is now dating a registered sex offender. Despite the fact that it is a matter of public record, Miss Minaj went ballistic on Instagram by threatening “to sue this hoe,” telling Jesse that he is going to jail and “you better have a good lawyer.” My favorite part is “#Jesse Palmer #Arnold Palmer” in the Instagram post.

Is that in reference to the legendary dead golfer or the half tea/half lemonade concoction he made famous? What does The King have to do with this? Can’t the man rest in peace? #RIP

PLEASE let this go to court. It would be the greatest trial in the history of American jurisprudence. Too bad Arnie won’t be around to see it.

John James wrote yesterday about how he was dumb.

If you haven’t read yesterday’s Happen, you should. It’s enlightening.

And JJ is right. He is dumb. Good person. Dumb person.

These things happen.

Unfortunately, there’s more dumb where that came from.

JJ is not as dumb as his DW brother, no matter how much he wishes he were. I retired the dumb trophy.

Once I once took a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. Don’t do that. That defines “dumb.”

I am not a smart person.

My oldest and only son once told me there was an arrow in the FedEx logo. I looked and looked. And looked.

Didn’t find it.

Even after he told me where to look, between the “E” and the “X,” I was left on the outside looking in.

It’s a natural arrow.

Saw it after about 10 minutes. Was so proud.

On sports talk radio, we once heard a guy say, in agreement with a point, “I occur.” He meant “I concur,” which is “I agree,” so he was hilariously wrong. And dumb.

But if I could find that guy, I would give him money from my wallet. I have said “I occur” hundreds of times since, maybe thousands, and it never gets old. Most of our Sunday school class is now saying “I occur” in their daily lives, which is not the purpose of Sunday school, I occur, but still, it’s funny, Heaven help us all, and Lord knows we could use the laughter.

And a little more smarts.

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