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October 1, 2019

A DW STAFFER TURNS THREE

By TEDDY ALLEN/Designated Writers

The day was filled with glee in the bustling DW Offices because one of our own celebrated a birthday.

Gracie Lou Allen, DW’s Barketing Manager extraordinaire, turned 3. It is not every day somebody turns 3; in fact, it is only that One Single Day. All the more reason to rejoice at this milestone.

We got Gracie Lou from Mississippi. She is a Maltese, and of course Mississippi is the heartland when you’re talking about full-bred Maltese puppies. It is also the heartland when you’re talking about good football and educational woes and the Neshoba County Fair, but mainly Mississippi is known for its strong Maltese production.

Gracie has been less than stellar as a Barketing Manager. For the past year, all we’ve heard is “I’m just a dog!” and “But I’m only 2!”

Kids. What are you gonna do?

But as a Maltese, Gracie has brought lots of joy. She’s also brought lots of bills. Mostly for food. She came to us as a two-month-old weighing three pounds. She weighs 12 now. She has kept the Cheerios cereal corporation in business. She is not fat but she is stocky and still quick. She has no hops; she can jump down from things but not up to things.

We celebrated this evening by playing Fetch The Tennis Ball and by drinking lots of water. And by watching winless Cincy play winless Pittsburgh. You can’t have everything…

-30-

By JOHN JAMES MARSHALL/Designated Writers

In a few days, Joe Maddon is going to be fired as manager of the Chicago Cubs. That is the same Joe Maddon who won the 2016 World Series to end a century-long drought and, even more impressively (believe it or not), took Tampa Bay to the 2008 World Series. Tampa flippin’ Bay.

In the previous four seasons, the least number of wins the Cubs had under Maddon was 92. They won’t win 92 this year and that’ll be it for Joe in the third base dugout at Wrigley Field.

Look, managers get fired all the time. Whether or not it’s justifiable or not makes no difference. But there are a couple of things going on here that don’t make this a run-of-the-mill canning.

First of all, can we talk about the job that General Manager Theo Epstein, who is thought to have invented baseball, has been doing? Talk about living off your rep … take a look at the hand Epstein has dealt Maddon. There’s a left fielder who can’t play dead defensively. He’s got center fielders who can’t hit. An infielder with off-the-field issues. And Epstein is responsible for two awful contracts — signing Craig Kimbrel for three years when he wasn’t worth signing for three minutes and the acquisition of Jason Heyward to a long-term contract a few years ago. I love Heyward; he is one of my favorite players in all of baseball. I love his approach to the game and his hustle. But there is a time-honored baseball axiom about players like Heyward: “he’s just good enough to get you beat.” You keep thinking that he will become the player you think he is, but never does. The Cubs are paying him $21 million this year to hit .253. Only four more years left on that contract!

But the bigger crime is what is going to happen next. Maddon will get the pink slip and his $6 million contract will go with him. And then Cubs will do what everybody else in baseball does — grab somebody out of the TV booth and pay them $500,000. (Here’s looking at you David Ross!) Baseball managers are now grossly underpaid because the analytics geeks have made owners believe that anybody with a spreadsheet and who knows the difference between fWAR and bWAR can manage a major league team.