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April 24, 2018

Big Ballin’ in Europe

By GRIFFIN NEAL, Designated Contributor

Griffin Neal is a sophomore at Ole Miss and graduate of Loyola College Prep currently living abroad in London. He is a student of the full court press, a chucker of the 3-ball, a budding wordsmith, and a habitually anguished Rebel sports fan; next year is always our year.

I traveled eleven miles across London, through a driving rainstorm under a sky swallowed by darkness, on Easter Monday (that’s a thing in the UK — get with the picture, Uncle Sam), to watch a struggling Lithuanian basketball team take on the fourth best team in the British Basketball League.

Why?

Because of the Big Ballers.

Yes, that’s right, I scored tickets to watch LaMelo, LiAngelo, Lavar, and BC Yvtautas take on the London Lions in the Big Baller Clash at Queen Elizabeth’s Olympic Park. *Notice I did not call their contest a basketball game; doing so would be of direct disrespect to the Naismith’s, Wooden’s, and Auerbach’s of the world.*

However, it was entertaining. Both teams played at a breakneck pace, routinely throwing Aaron Rodgers- caliber heaves to guards streaking up the sidelines and launching 35-footers — although often in exchange for defensive effort.

While 16-year-old LaMelo did post a 43-point triple-double and older brother LiAngelo added 41, the most oft-discussed member of the Ball family, Lavar, was silent. Ball Sr. was wearing his dad cap on this day.

Sitting on the Vytautas sideline as the honorary coach, Lavar kept his outrageous claims holstered; Skip and Stephen A. weren’t around, so they weren’t necessary.

That’s what is often lost in the seemingly interminable obsession with the Ball Family, and it’s that Lavar is nothing more than an amplified cheerleader, marketing his sons and their hoops prowess at every possible juncture.

Everyone knows a Lavar Ball. He’s nothing more than a Little League mom with a super-sized microphone or an AAU dad with a platform. He’s a father who wants to pave the smoothest path to success for his three boys (and create a billion-dollar brand in the process).

So next time you fire up your Facebook and Twitter fingers, ready to excoriate Lavar and his merry band of basketballers, think of your own daughter or son, and how badly you want them to succeed.

Oh, and for everyone worried that Lavar’s antics would plague his sons production, elder Ball (Lonzo) put up Jason Kidd-level rookie numbers (10.1 pts/7.2 ast/7 reb) for the baby Lakers.

Griffin Neal

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April 23, 2018

One size fits all (thirsts)

This is an important sociological question that I am asking of you. I don’t expect a definitive answer because it may simply be too much to ask. But this conundrum has perplexed me for far too long and it’s time to get it out in the open.

If the Polar Pop at Circle K is 79 cents for any size, then why would you get anything but the biggest size?

I mean, they are offering it to you; seems almost rude to NOT accept it.

I’ve been told that some think the giant size is too big to handle, which I would consider for any non-adult. I have two of the smallest hands God ever created and I promise you these mitts have no trouble wrapping themselves around a Polar Pop.

They promote it as “One Price, Any Size” but I say they are making this far too complicated.

As I see it, about the only decision issue involved is getting the proper of ice in the giant Styrofoam cup. (You may think you have enough ice in the initial drop, but be careful; it may require a re-do.) If I were Circle K, I would even give people the option of other sizes. Here’s the deal people: there’s the cup, there’s the ice, pick a flavor and pitch ’til you win.

Sometimes I want to stand outside and just wait for somebody to walk out with some rinky-dink 24 ounce cup and tell them they are disgrace to consumers all over this great land. Do these people not realize that the Styrofoam will keep the drink cold all day? These people don’t get thirsty later in the day?

Circle K is doing humanity a solid. The least we can do is show our gratitude 79 cents at a time. (Eight-six cents with the tax and they appreciate the exact change.)

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