Here at Designated Writers, we are big on wildlife. We especially like it when it shows up in our back yard. (It keeps the cost of those African safaris waaaay down.)

Having lived 99 percent of my life in Zip Code 71105, it’s not like I’m out in the country, but you’d be surprised what wanders onto the premises. I would say it’s because I live near various bodies of water, but with the conditions we’ve had the last few months, everybody seems to live near a (rising) body of water.

On my commute to work, it’s not uncommon to see the trilogy of animals that failed to make it across East 70th Street — possum, armadillo and raccoon. There is the occasional skunk, but they are listed under Others Receiving Votes.

Until a few years ago, I had an Akita that went 11-0 against the local possum community. You’d have thought that the word would have gotten out among the other possums.

The other night I came home past my bedtime and noticed the silhouette of a bird on the wire behind my house. I knew it wasn’t one of the run-of-the-mill birds that I usually see because it was past their bedtime too.

It wasn’t one of those pitch-black nights, so once I got close enough, I could clearly see who had come by to visit. It was an owl and I was as fascinated by him as he was un-fascinated by me. You talk about a cool bird; this guy had it going on. Here are some owl facts that you might not know — binocular vision, binaural hearing and feathers adapted for silent flight.

So to summarize, owls can see everything, hear everything and fly without making noise. Sign me up!

Plus, owls can rotate their heads 270 degrees, but when I attempted to take a picture, he had the wrong 90 degrees facing me. I couldn’t get into Owl Photography 101 at Louisiana Tech and had settle for some kind of English Lit.

He stayed for awhile to chill and moved on his next hangout. That’s how you roll; — fascinate a human being and move along.

It’s four days into 2019. How are those new year’s resolutions going for you?

(And while we are at it, what is the expiration date on being able to wish somebody a Happy New Year? A week sounds fine, but anything past that seems a little over the top.)

There is no place more Ground Zero for new year’s resolutions than the health club. I have been a loyal devotee of my health club for 15 years – and I joined in a non-New Year’s Resolution situation – so I feel I am eminently qualified to discuss this matter.

If I were a compassionate person, I would applaud these people for getting off a body part and/or furniture and trying to better themselves.

But the reality is that they clog up the whole operation for the rest of us for about two weeks and then disappear into thin air from then on.

They are pretty easy to spot – there is a general cluelessness about them, but they are usually dressed in the latest fluorescent regalia. They tend to spend a large amount of time talking to others than actually doing exercise. They’d much rather use a machine incorrectly than ask for help.

And most of all, they blow right past those “No Cell Phones Allowed” signs that are posted throughout the facility as if they weren’t there. You’d think they were driving or in church.

Of course, I have seen people smoking outside the health club, so getting the message may not be as obvious as we might think.

Oh, and Happy New Year!