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May 21, 2019
Tim Conway on Mount Rushmore of Comedy

(Ran originally Sunday May, 2019 in The Times and The News-Star.)
All it took was Tim Conway in any of his World’s Oldest Man skits to begin shuffling across the floor, and I was done. On the floor.
If you are of my generation that grew up in the Golden Age of Television, before what’s called “reality TV” took the place of the “variety show,” you missed some studs whose names might be foreign to you.
Jonathan Winters. Flip Wilson. Bob Newhart. Jackie Gleason. Art Carney. Mary Tyler Moore. Carol Burnett. Lucille Ball. Don Knotts.
Sure I’m missing some. Didn’t realize how much I missed Tim Conway until I learned he’d died at 85 Tuesday. I’d read he had no signs of dementia which I applaud; it’d have been a shame had he forgotten how funny he was, what a genius he was.
We haven’t.
The look. The timing. The willingness to not “have” to be the star. Just a guy hanging around stealing the show.
Guy had it all. Five-tool player.
Tim Conway appeared as a guest star on The Carol Burnett Show for eight seasons before becoming a regular in 1975. I read that he won a Golden Globe Award for the series in 1976 and Emmys in 1973, 1977, and 1978. Not sure I even knew they had those awards then. But I knew he made me laugh.
My mother was so innately good, at least to her only son crammed between two sisters, that it was hard to be too bad. We had our moments, but it just wasn’t in me to cause a bunch of trouble. I mainly just blamed stuff on my sisters.
But when it came to The Carol Burnett Show, The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour, or Gumsmoke (Festus was a comic genius too!; he and Doc were the Wild West’s version of Abbot and Costello or Lewis and Martin), the ground was level. Every one of us had better be quiet.
She gave us some leeway on The Carol Burnett Show because of Tim Conway and all the laughing, to this day my favorite sound.
I’ve always appreciated my mother’s taste in TV.
Oh. Shoot. Red Skelton. Dom DeLuise. And Redd Foxx, please.
This was back in a time when people enjoyed watching 12-minute skits. Much of Tim Conway’s comedy was physical. Don Knotts is highly revered but probably doesn’t get enough credit for how good he was at the same thing. Just think of him angrily putting on his hat while wearing his faithful old salt-and-pepper, or trying to get his bullet out of his pocket or his pistol out of his holster.
Tim Conway would hold stuff back during rehearsals, then spring it on his castmates mid-skit. They were seeing or hearing what he was doing for the first time, so like us, they almost always started laughing. That was the real reality TV; one of the great things about the show was seeing whether or not Tim Conway could make his friend and fellow funnyman Harvey Korman laugh. Basically, Conway was Don Knotts and Korman was Andy Griffith, and so it worked.
Gold.
Almost everything he did was simple comedy heightened by the tiniest thing, a movement or expression or sound. But my favorites were the World’s Oldest Man skits and the Mr. Tudball and “Ah-Missuz-ah-Whigginzz,” skits, Tim Conway as the boss and Burnett/Mrs. Wiggins, who the Los Angeles Times once described as “a bimbo who the IQ fairy never visited,” as the secretary. Bad toupee. The intercom. The Romanian/Swedish (?) accent?
So beautiful.
I wish millennials could have seen these. Youth is wasted on the young.
Now and then, the writers and directors would just set him up for straight jokes. In one skit, Tim Conway and Korman are dressed as fishermen. (Forgot: the Bob Mackie-designed costumes, bunches each show, were basically another character.) I think Korman has his fishing line in a bathtub and they’re trying to rid an apartment of a shark that’s been terrorizing the building, a spoof of JAWS.)
Looking toward the tub Korman is fishing in—of course Korman is strapped to the commode—a long-billed cap on his head, Tim Conway, wistfully, says something like this:
“You know somethin’? I lost a girlfriend to the sharks once…It was in Hawaii. She jumped off the front of our sailboat, started swimming. Got about 40 yards from shore and then a…(shaking his head)… a big white hit her…(pausing, seeing the event in his mind)…She’da made it too…(pause)…if she hadn’t been wearin’ her good luck ham.”
Contact Teddy at teddy@latech.edu
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May 21, 2019
Lady Techsters Still A Big Hit This Spring

(Reprinted from Sunday’s LATechSports.com. Bulldog Baseball in the C-USA Tournament begins Wednesday morning at 9 against Marshall in the tourney opener in Biloxi.)
BATON ROUGE — The day was a long one, but it and the season ended in a flash.
Louisiana Tech’s record-setting, run-producing offense had waited out a 13-inning, 4-hours-and-25-minutes LSU win over Texas Tech, 5-4, in the first game of the second day of the Baton Rouge Regional Saturday, then had sneaked by Monmouth University, 1-0, to reach the finals of the loser’s bracket.
And here they were, with one last chance, midnight knocking at the door.
Tech trailed Texas Tech 3-1. The tying run, senior Berkley Calapp, at the plate. Meghan Robicheaux, pinch running for hobbled catcher Marilyn Fizzato, at first.
Two outs. Count full.
Kailey Anderson, a sophomore pressed into starting duty because of injuries, was on deck. Conference USA Coach of the Year Mark Montgomery in the coaching box at third, his arms crossed on his chest, helpless, a prisoner now of whatever the moment might bring. Players poised on the dugout steps.
The 3-2 pitch from Red Raider starter Missy Zoch. To the outside and upper part of the zone. Good swing. The pop of the ball on leather and then the dust from catcher Kelcy Leach’s mitt.
And that was it.
Game over.
Season done.
Bat thrown toward the dugout. Then the helmet. Players, still alive a moment before, leaning on the dugout railing and hopeful, now dead men walking, lining up to shake hands. It was all sort of mechanical, the opposite of the vitality that had brought this team C-USA regular-season and tournament championships…and to the regional.
“What’d we get, five or six hits the whole tournament?” asked Montgomery. “Do that and you’re not going to be as successful as you want to be.
“We were fortunate,” he said, “to win one game here.”
He was right. His run-producing softball team picked a bad time to stop hitting, like the Titantic folk picked a bad time to go on a cruise or Custer picked a bad time to take the guys on a pony ride.
The Lady Techsters broke a big pile of single-season individual and team offensive records this year on its way to a 45-16 record—the program’s most wins in 30 years—and a program-record 19 league wins.
So it was both surprising and more than a little frustrating that in the regional Friday and Saturday, the Lady Techsters couldn’t have fallen out of a boat and hit water.
Tech went 6-for-64 at the plate in its three games at Tiger Park. The Lady Techsters were one-hit in Friday’s 3-0 loss to Texas Tech, beat Monmouth University 1-0 Saturday evening—you rarely win with just two hits, but Tech did it—then managed three hits but still lost to Texas Tech again in the loser’s bracket Saturday night, the 3-1 finale.
The Lady Techsters were trending in the right direction—one hit in the first game, two in the second, three in the third—but it was way too little, despite gallant Regional-worthy pitching and defensive performances.
It was like watching Pink struggle to sing, like watching Brad Paisley forget how to tune his guitar.
“We pitched pretty well; played good defense,” Montgomery said. “Just didn’t hit. We’ll learn from this and grow as a program, hopefully figure out how to take the next step.”
“Obviously, we struggled,” said a red-eyed Morgan Turkoly, the C-USA 2018 Player of the Year, a senior who’d played her final game and who had half her team’s hits in the Regional. “The pitching steps up when you’re at this level. It was tough to get a pitch to hit. What we were doing wasn’t working for us.”
Until the fifth inning of Tech’s third game of the Regional—the second loss to Texas Tech—nobody not named Morgan Turkoly had gotten a base hit for the Lady Techsters. In the entire Regional. Which was at that point, in Tech time, two games, four innings, and two outs old.
But against the Red Raiders in the fifth is when pinch hitter Mary Terral got on with an infield single—any port in a storm—and spoiled the no-hitter Texas Tech starter Missy Zoch had going.
With two outs, an error on the Texas Tech shortstop and clever baserunning by the Techsters allowed Bayli Simon, who’d reached on a fielder’s choice, to score and tie the game at 1-1.
That was the score in the top of the seventh when Louisiana Tech third baseman Lindsay Edwards, C-USA’s Freshman of the Year, threw a ground ball away and allowed the hitter, Heaven Burton, to reach third. It was the Lady Techsters’ only error of the weekend, but when a hitting team is not hitting, the margin of error is tissue-paper thin.
A double on a 3-2 pitch from Preslee Gallaway by Texas Tech All-American Jessica Hartwell, the same Jessica Hartwell who’d managed the game-winning hit in the Red Raiders’ 3-0 victory over Louisiana Tech in the regional opener, gave the team from Texas a 2-1 lead.
Another double by cleanup hitter Trenity Edwards on a 3-1 pitch increased the lead to 3-1.
“Seeing what Jess did pumped me up,” she said.
And that was pretty much it. Zoch pitched around a one-out base hit by Simon in the bottom of the seventh for her first complete game since April 7.
Somewhat miraculously, the Lady Techsters earned the opportunity to play Texas Tech by pulling a rabbit out of a hat earlier in the day with the 1-0 win over Monmouth, a rising program that won the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference Tournament behind the arm of sophomore Alyssa Irons, a hard-luck loser Friday to LSU, 2-0, and Saturday to Louisiana Tech, 1-0. The Hawks out-hit Tech 8-2 and stranded eight baserunners. Turkoly’s two-out base hit to shallow left didn’t even bend the grass, but it was enough to score Kimmie Atienza, who’d walked and swiped second.
“Alyssa pitched fantastic,” said her coach, Shannon Salsburg, whose team stranded eight baserunners. “We just didn’t get the timely hits. It was just that one seeing-eye single…that was the game.”
Irons finished the season 30-12 and should get roses from her teammates every day during the offseason.
Heartbreaking.
And that’s probably the same word to use for the way it ended for Louisiana Tech. 2019 CUSA Player of the Year Jaz Crowder was hitless, but so were all but four of her teammates. It didn’t help that Zoe Hicks was on the bench with the broken leg she suffered at UTEP last month or that Sloane Stewartson was reduced to warming up pitchers in the bullpen because she hurt her knee celebrating her team’s win in the conference tournament, an event that left Montgomery wondering whether or not he should have had his team practice post-game euphoria.
Those two mishaps meant 60 RBIs weren’t able to play this weekend. So the lineup that won the league wasn’t as potent as the lineup that lost the regional.
But so goes the game, and the regional fizzle can’t dismiss what this senior class accomplished, which is 147 wins and a couple of regional appearances.
“I couldn’t be prouder of a group,” Montgomery said. “This senior class has taken this program to new heights. This is the group that took the program to the next level, then elevated it to the next level after that. They’ve raised the bar for every other player who comes here. They’ll be remembered for a long, long time.”
Turkoly, Tech’s left fielder and an all-star player who excelled in the classroom, gave Tech fans—they were plentiful and vocal in Baton Rouge—much to remember.
“Obviously I’m emotional right now; I’m done playing a game I’ve played for 17 years,” she said only a few minutes after the end of a career that began when she fell with her little sis on her back and broke her left arm just before leaving her house for what would have been her first tee ball game. Missed the season.
“I didn’t know which hand she was going to throw with so I had two gloves,” said her dad, David. “Instead of going to the game, we went to the emergency room and got two pins in her arm.”
After the game, the team sang the alma mater with the fans, met in left field, then went into the stands. David had gone outside the stadium to meet his daughter, who’d gone into the bleachers. “Where’s my dad?” she kept asking.
“I guess I walked around the stadium 13 times looking for her,” he said.
They found each other. A hug. Smiles. And then David’s grown-up tee ball player walking toward the bus where her final group of teammates, the last in a long line, waited.
The endings of long and happy chapters are never easy.
“I’m just sad,” David said, “that’s it’s over.”
“What Tech has meant to me is beyond words,” Turkoly said. “I’ve grown on the field and off the field. All our fans, the staff, my teammates…I have all of them to thank for that.”
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