By TEDDY ALLEN/DesignatedWriters

A couple of weeks ago before the world shut down, I watched the first episode of Tiger King and immediately went to the emergency room and got a tetanus shot.

Then I took two showers.

Hosed down with Lysol.

Still felt pretty dirty.

The complete name of this Netflix sensation — I was ignorant of it until the DW co-founder mentioned his boys were grinding it with glee — is Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness.

Murder, Mayhem and Madness. It is all of those. They left out Tacky. Also Insane, Over the Top, and “Hey Ethel!, can you believe this?!” 

Bizarre. Creepy. Creepy like listening to LSU hoops coach Will Wade talk to that other creep on the phone about paying a player on another dirty-feeling documentary called The Scheme that HBO ran Tuesday night. The FBI didn’t look good, the cheaters didn’t look good, and the producers of a two-hour “documentary” that could have been 15 minutes didn’t look good. A friend told me it reminded him of UFO and Bigfoot documentaries; this was right before he wondered if Bigfoot were sheltering in place.

Strange times.

Tiger King stars Joe Exotic, who owns a big cat farm where people go to see exotic animals and hold cubs and flush money down the toilet. Joe Exotic is not his real name but that is his real mullet. I think. Even four of the tigers had mullets.

He is almost as egotistical as the guy in Myrtle Beach who owns a big cat place, and the lady who owns a “rescue farm” for big cats also comes off as a looney tunes.

I did not know there were people like this in the world. And there are more where those come from.

And again, that was just the first episode, which I’m told is mild compared for what’s to came. But I won’t see it. One hour was enough for me. ,

There’s a slim possibility I’ll run out of things to do and then I might watch another episode, but only if i can borrow a hazmat suit.

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