By TEDDY ALLEN/Designated Writers

Being snowbound at home today with milk running low and no cow in my backyard was the ultimate indignity—or so I thought until I saw the tweet from FanGraphs.

It almost made me wish the power and Internet had gone out.


Fangraphs is a respected (unfortunately) site “for Major League baseball and Minor League baseball with statistical analysis, graphs, and projections.”

“Projections” is the key word here because today, FanGraphs announced their postseason predictions.

And my team, the Baltimore Orioles, have a predicted 0.0% chance of making the playoffs.

Egg Point Egg Percentile!

In other words, we are out of it in the first week of spring training. Not the second week of the season or the Fourth of July. We are out of it a month before the season starts.

Why are we even reporting to practice?

Growing up in South Carolina, I loved Baltimore, the closest team proximity-wise. Loved them. Loved Brooks Robinson, my Favorite Player of All-Time. And today’s young baseball fan won’t believe it, but we WON back then. Games. Pennants. World Series.

But again, that was Back Then. A land long ago and far away.

Yes, I began loving the Braves when they moved to Atlanta in 1969. Love the Astros and Rangers now because of geography. They have all brought me joy.

But the Orioles are My Team, and they have broken my heart since they last had a pulse, somewhere around 1996.

Today we are Lake D’arbonne in the same division as the Pacific, Atlantic, and Indian Oceans, and the fourth ocean I can’t think of right now, although it might be the Arctic. Or Old Man Kelsey’s Ocean. (Andy Griffith reference.)

Regardless, 0.0%

Detroit has a pulse at 2.0 percent. I’d kill for the Rangers’ chances: 0.8 percent. Even the pitiful Rockies have a 0.1 percent.

But we have flatlined in February.

This summer is going to be a long winter…