Missed the Oscars extravaganza due to work and apathy so I didn’t know until Monday that the Best Picture winner was the one about the woman who loved the fish/aquatic creature even though she hated both water, seafood, and Mrs. Paul’s.

Love conquers all.

I miss movies with things like dialogue and wit and the occasional pony. God I love, and miss, the occasional pony. Do you love a pony? Me too.

Speaking of, here is a Top 10 Westerns List. A few of them won Oscars.

I apologize up front that “The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean — “I know the law!” — isn’t in here. But like The West itself back in the day, before marijuana became legal out there, this is very hard…

Ten is BIG JAKE (1971): “Jacob McCandles? I thought you was dead?” “Not hardly.

Nine is THE SHOOTIST (1976): Last movie of John Wayne’s career. Who was the last guy he shot?*

Eight is UNFORGIVEN (1992): Was in the first bunch of movie-smart people who were in line with me that weekday morning in Shreveport. Just watch it.

Seven is TRUE GRIT: Enjoyed Glen Campbell from Delight, Ark., as a picker, but here he is a dope, God love him, but he gets killed, so that helps save it.

Six is THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE (1962): ’nuff said.

Five is THE SEARCHERS (1956): Is film not the director’s medium?, (he said, trying to sound important? But still…)

Four is THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES (1976): “I reckon so.”

Three is RIO BRAVO (1959): Flawed, sure. But if I see it on TV, I’m watching it every time.

Two is THE MAGNIFICIENT SEVEN: Yule Brynner, Eli Wallach, Steve McQueen, and the hits keep comin’…

One is BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (1969): If this list ran the 100-yard dash, Nos. 1 and 2 would probably hit the tape at the same time. Butch and Sundance would win in a photo. Leaning.

Saturday: Why the newer True Grit might be better than the original True Grit. Send your responses or thoughts to designatedwriters@yahoo.com. Expect a smart (aleck?) response.

(*Hugh O’Brian)