TEDDY ALLEN/Designated Writers
YOUR PLATE, ANYWHERE, USA—Let’s get right to it, mainly so we can start eating.
Batting leadoff and playing 2B, DEVILED EGGS. Just so many ways they can beat you. The white part of the egg, the yolk, the mustard and mayo and tiny pieces of pickle, the paprika. These little guys are Rickey Henderson if Rickey were an egg.
Batting second and playing LF, YEAST ROLLS WITH BUTTER. Steady. Non-showboat-y. Just quietly setting the table. Where are the strawberry preserves? Don’t have any? No problem. We’ll get to plenty of sopping-up stuff later in the lineup, when yeast rolls will continue to come in handy.
Batting third and doing the catching, DRESSING. Keep in mind that, like Deviled Eggs, this must be made “right,” like my baby sister makes it. She’ll bring me a pan but will she share the recipe?: Neg. I respect that. Would not be as good if I made it anyway. But this is a solid side dish that sees the whole field, a leader you build around.
Hitting cleanup and playing RF, SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE. Can be a dessert too. This is probably my best player and now and then, I might bat SPC leadoff. Joy!
In the 5-hole, playing 1B, TURKEY. Mainstay. Heart of the order.
Batting sixth in CF, GIBLET GRAVY. Hello, Mr. Yeast Roll. Care to tag team?
Batting seventh, at 3B, Mr. Dependable, GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE. Should be eating year-’round. And I do. Made one last month.
In the 8 spot, at SS, CORN PUDDING. More giblet gravy please. Light and fluffy and covers ground. Got a surprising cannon. Deviled eggs to corn pudding to turkey: double play music to my ears. And to my stomach.
Pitching and batting ninth, PUMPKIN PIE. My closer is CHOCOLATE PECAN PIE, who isn’t scared of anything, not even a knife and fork.
First foods and condiments and medicinal aides off the bench: CRAB DIP on a Ritz, PEPPER, GAS X and TUMS. (And yes, we traded CRANBERRY SAUCE to pick up CRAB DIP. So far so good.)
Now you chunkin’!