(This column first appeared in The Times and the News-Star World in December, 2019. PICTURED: Isaiah Graham, starting wide receiver on Louisiana Tech’s All Old Testament Team, hauls in a 39-yard TD pass that gave the Bulldogs the lead for good in their 41-27 victory over UTSA Saturday night to complete a 9-3 regular season. Tech went 6-0 in The Joe this fall for the first time since 1973. Winners of five bowl games in straight seasons, the Bulldogs will find out by Sunday which bowl they will play in during this BowlFest Season. PHOTO CREDIT: Tom Morris, latechsportspix.com)

The time has come for a subtle suggestion concerning how Louisiana Tech’s football program can win its sixth straight bowl game in six seasons, an idea I started fiddling with a couple of weeks ago when Tech was on an 8-game win streak. But when the Bulldogs lost a couple, the situation demanded we get next-level serious, and in a hurry.

If Tech wants to get serious too, it can quit fooling around and field an Old Testament team that has shouldered the load with little problem for the past 6,000-plus years.

I’m just a layman, not a miracle worker and not clairvoyant and not a coach, but I lettered in Vacation Bible School so … just hear me out; this is the divine time to get the band back together again.

Here are my guys, the position(s) they play, and their hometowns. He who has ears, let him hear:

Center: Abraham Delfin, Plaquemine.

Guards: Ethan Reed, Orange, Texas and Joshua Moat, Oak Grove.

Tackles: Jonah Brewster, Frisco, Texas and Noah Pitre, Geismar.

See what I’m talking about?

Quarterback: Aaron Allen, Missouri City, Texas

Running Backs: Israel Tucker, Metairie and Elijah Hines, Port Arthur, Texas.

Wide Receivers: Isaiah Graham, Bastrop, Joshua Matthews, Baton Rouge, Joseph Walker, New Orleans.

That’s Old (Testament) School.

So Abraham hikes it to Aaron, who hands it to Israel, who throws a halfback pass to Isaiah. The sea parts, Isaiah scores, and that’s a wrap.

Glory!

Keep in mind that we are making this happen without a David or a Daniel on the team. If Tech had a David or a Daniel, they could be co-captains, practically by default. I will talk to the coaching staff about this, an uncharacteristically underachieving effort from that bunch. Don’t you always sign a David or Daniel, just by accident? Sigh…

And still, with our hand to the plow, we soldier on and play some defense with some slight adjustments …

Line: Mykol Clark, Fort Worth; the spelling is different but the pronunciation, “Michael,” is the same.

Line: * Brett Pope, Leesville, a true freshman and offensive lineman pressed into duty here because Tech’s coaches failed to recruit better names. Pope’s in the ballpark though; I’ll give them that.

(An * like the one above means I cheated — but only a little; recruit me some Davids, for heaven’s sake.)

Noseguard: * Christian Henderson, a redshirt freshman offensive lineman from Greenwood, Mississippi, is going to have to bow up (what does that even mean?!) and help us out here. He’s 6-5, 299, sort of Goliath-like; he can handle it.

Linebacker: James Jackson from Haynesville. It’s a familiar New Testament name, but in Greek, James translates to “Jacob.” And I wanted somebody from Claiborne Parish on the team, for reasons sentimental.

Linebacker: Ezekiel Barnett of Benton. Ezekiel of the Bible was one of the Four Major Prophets; Ezekiel of the Bulldogs is one of the Four Major Linebackers.

Linebacker: Isaiah Windmon, Marrero.

Linebacker: Jacob Adams. He’s my All-State fullback from West Monroe but smart and tough enough to play here. Just point Jacob to the field and give him a general idea of what to do and he’ll be fine.

Cornerback: Michael Sam, New Iberia. Double trouble here — Michael the Archangel and Sam, short for First and Second Samuel. You’re welcome.

Cornerback: Aaron Roberson, Shreveport. We have depth at Aaron!

Safety: Christian Archangel, Lafayette. Another Daily Double. I think I just found our defensive captain.

Safety (moved from cornerback): Ephraim Kitchen, Batesville, Miss. If he can gather up the other 11 tribes of Israel, that would give us some much-needed depth.

Salty bunch.

My special teams truly are. Noah White from Ruston can deep snap and placekicker/punter Jacob Barnes from Baton Rouge can kick the PAT. Real-life first-string kicker Bailey Hale could kick it but when is the last time you’ve turned to the first chapter of the Book of Bailey? (Technically I could put Bailey on the team because his last name rhymes with a biblical word; after he makes a field goal it’s always fun to say, “Hale? YES!)

Kick returner: Ishmael Landers, true freshman running back, New Orleans.

Punt returner: * Praise Okorie, a wide receiver and team psalmist, Houston.

Kick returner and punt returner: Smoke Harris. There’s no Smoke in the Old Testament, you say? Not to sound holier than thou, but Mount Sinai, Sodom and Gomorrah, the temple…There’s three.

Offensive Coordinator: Zach Hannibal, a junior cornerback and special teams whiz from Monroe. Although Hannibal isn’t named, he and other generals are alluded to in Daniel 11, a prophetic chapter about Alexander the Great and the Greeks running the table and scoring about 60 a game in the late third century B.C. This was shortly before Hannibal and the Carthaginians showed up in the early second century B.C. to give the Romans, the New England Patriots of their day, all they wanted. Considered one of the greatest generals ever, Hannibal took more than 60,000 soldiers and 40 war elephants across the Alps to surprise attack Italy. And remember, that was before your solid Adidas footwear and with very spotty cell service. If a guy can take elephants over the Alps, he can run the spread for me anytime. And twice on Sundays. Zach’s my guy.

Defensive Coordinator: Alex(ander the Great, see Hannibal above) Zayed, a linebacker and special teams stud from Destrehan.

Head Ball Coach: You’re really asking me that? It’s an Old Testament team! But if we’re sticking to mortals, how about Tech’s present coach, * Skip Holtz. “He maketh them also to skip like a calf…” Psalm 29:6. (And there’s your pregame speech! Or maybe not. Sigh…where’s an Adam or a Obadiah when you need one?)

First Coach Off the Bench: Joe “Joseph” Sloan: Tech’s for-reals assistant head coach.

First Dude Off the Bench, Offense: Receiver Jake (Jacob) Norris, West Monroe.

First Dude Off the Bench Defense: * Milton Williams; John Milton wrote Paradise Lost and Milton, a defensive lineman from Crowley, is having a whale of a year — and is just a sophomore. Paradise Found.

And that, sports fans, is an All-Old Testament Team for the Ages. Joy! And Amen.

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