(Originally ran in Sunday, November 15 editions of The Times and The News-Star)

The Jeopardy! game show (just this second had to look up how to spell the word “jeopardy” so…you can see where this is going) was the perfect example, for me, that ignorance is bliss.

Any time I wanted to feel less smart (or more stupid) than I already am, humility was just one remote control button away. Time to “play” Jeopardy!

“Play” Jeopardy!? As if I had any chance of knowing the answer to this clue: “Rangoon, AKA Yangon, is this country’s biggest city.”

Rangoon? AKA What?! You’re telling me you didn’t make up that word/“city” just now while you’re standing there?

It’s more like “It’s time to ‘work’ Jeopardy!” Not play.

And yet, I was always content to watch it because host Alex Trebek would smoothly and kindly — even effortlessly, it seemed — lead this cavalcade of Trivia Geniuses through a maze of big words, big money, and Stuff I’ve Never Heard Of.

Our general feeling while watching Jeopardy!: “Look at all these smart people! And this nice, sharp-dressed man helping them along. Not picking on them when they answer something wrong or draw a blank after hitting their little buzzer thingies. How do they know Prince lyrics AND the state capital of Washington AND who Paulo Coelho is?”

Game show? GAME show? More like the SAT on steroids.

The Price is Right and guessing which costs more, a box of Cream of Wheat or 24 ounces of thin spaghetti while a leggy blonde in faux fur and heels points to the products that are right there anyway, that’s a game show.

Hollywood Squares and Paul Lynde cracking wise and “X gets the square,” that’s a game show. 

Not Jeopardy! Jeopardy! is mental play-for-keeps combat for cash money, my vortex (whichever brain vortex it is that does the thinking) against your vortex, and if you don’t have your thinking cap on, it’s best to come sit with me in the corner and be quiet as you can, maybe read the Encyclopedia Britannica more like your parents begged you to.

Tough “game” show. I mean, an exclamation point is part of the name. Jeopardy!

These people aren’t jacking around.

If humiliation is your thing, you can actually go online and take a Jeopardy! test. Google “jeopardy questions.” I did. Add that to the long list of regrets in my life…Hello, shoe-sized IQ.

Answer: “This type of home with a gable roof is typical of the Swiss Alps.”

What is Gable Roof-type house?

NEG! “What is a chalet?” is the correct answer.

Chalet? Wait. Isn’t that a type of automo….?

Answer: “Elizabeth and Bloody Mary were both members of this royal house.”

What is a chalet? Yes!

NEGATORY! “What is the House of Tudor” is correct.

But you just said that about the chalet and that it’s a house and…

Answer: “Located in Rhode Island, it’s alphabetically the first among Ivy League schools.”

What is AAAbilene Christian?

YOU’RE FIRED FROM JEOPARDY!!

Wow. TWO exclamation points.

Sportscaster Dan Patrick interviewed Trebek in 2014 on The Dan Patrick Show when Patrick was preparing to host Sports Jeopardy!, which ran for parts of three seasons. Trebek lasted 36 seasons on Jeopardy!, from its revival in 1984 until his disheartening death from cancer this week. Hurt me.

Trebek told Patrick that his job as host of Jeopardy! was to “run the show and help the contestants,” not to make fun of a competitor who answered “Magic Johnson” to a question about a player in the National Hockey League.

“Have fun,” Trebek told Patrick when asked for his advice, “and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Answer: “Who is the greatest ‘game show’ host ever, who was classy and humble and will be greatly missed, and who didn’t make fun of you if you didn’t know the state capital of Washington or where Rangoon, AKA Yangon was?”

“Who is Alex Trebek, AKA The Best Ever?”

Correct.

-30-