Fully realizing this is a middle class guy problem, but I am going to need to get somebody to fix the traffic lights on Line Avenue.

Immediately.

I believe in many things and one of them is the right to have relatively synchronized traffic lights on main thoroughfares. It’s just the correct thing to do. Ever since 1969, this standard line has applied: You mean we can put a man on the moon but we can’t …(sync up the lights on Line Avenue.)

Lord knows I’m not asking for much. Press a few buttons in the gigantic traffic control center (wherever that is) and make it happen! We can figure out to the millisecond when an eclipse is going to hit 40 years from now, so somebody out there can run the numbers.

I’m not asking for every light in the city to be lined up (though it would be nice), just the major roads. If the speed limit 35 miles per hour and it’s a certain distance from Light 1 to Light 2 to Light 3, assume everyone is driving 35 and start crunching.

Forget my personal sanity; it just makes for a better quality of life (you might think I’m kidding, but I’m not). Consider the fact that half the people on the road can’t drive properly in the first place (texting, taking up both lanes, Sunday driving on a non-Sunday, etc.) and it’s chaos out there. And now you want to make us stop and start every six blocks?

I’ve got LOTS of driving issues to discuss with y’all, but I’m going to do you a solid and save it for another time. For now, let’s get the lights lined up and traffic flowing freely, an inalienable right guaranteed to us in the Bill of Rights (vehicle edition.)