Not suited to the swim edition

By JOHN JAMES MARSHALL/Designated Writers

If you ever needed an example of how the internet has ruined something, look no further than what is being called the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. It’s not the only thing Sports Illustrated has ruined, not the least of which is Sports Illustrated itself.

My edition arrived last week and there was a direct line from my mailbox to the trash can. First of all, it’s late summer. What happened to a February publication and all that heating-up-the winter thing they had going on?

Did somebody miss a deadline? Could they not find an obscure spot in the Maldives to shoot the pictorial?

Then to screw up things even more, they did that upside dual covers thing. Just pick one and stick with it! No tri-folds or peel-offs or anything else. Just put someone out there and leave it.

But with the internet — and it being late summer — there are no irate school librarians to voice their displeasure over putting it in the magazine rack. Does anybody write in to say cancel my subscription because the “scandalous” photos? Actually, there are no scandalous photos anymore. In fact, the whole thing looks quite tame to me. Basically, it’s pretty much the same scenery that I had a few weeks ago in Orange Beach.

I guess it was supposed to be a big deal that 57-year-old Kathy Jacobs is one of the models, but to be honest, if I want to look at a woman in her mid 50s in a swimsuit, all I have to do these days is do a Google search for Elizabeth Hurley, who supplies plenty of material.

But you know what aggravates me the most? The Olympics are going on and there is not medal-by-medal prediction of who would win. That used to be my bible when it came time for the Olympics. I’d grind it so that I’d have full knowledge of how it was all supposed to go down. Instead, we got a few pages of various athletes to watch, some of whom participate in sports that you didn’t even know are in the Olympics.

And an upside down cover. Of course.