The main thing you want to do on the day of your colonoscopy is to bat leadoff. You want the doctor’s Colon Implement to be fresh and clean.

Second won’t get it and Lord have mercy, batting eighth or ninth is death. Bat first because otherwise, you don’t want to know where that bat has been on Colonoscopy Day back in OR.

Yesterday we guided you through the Back 40 in regard to Rookies Who Need To Go Ahead And Get Your First Colonoscopy. Here’s the link:

http://www.designatedwriters.com/uncategorized/colon-alert-the-ol-back-40/

The night before “the procedure” – getting the water pumped off the field so she’s playable – is the hard part. Drinking the goop they give you is not for the fainthearted. It has the consistency of chalk and sand, like drinking the inside of an hour glass with a little water in it. Liquid Roto Rooter is what it is.

That’s the time to “man up,” when you devour this medicine that strips the paint off the walls. It is during this time that you want to stay close to your home locker room. Obviously, this is no walk the park. If anything, it is a run in the park.

Then the next morning, be in the on-deck circle a clean hour before your at-bat. You can thank me later.

Sigh…these concessions we make to age. And I thought giving up the daily Mountain Dew was hard.

I will confess that the reason I’ve agreed to annual checkups is that I love my colon, not really on a touchy-feely level as much as in a feral, digestive system kind of way. And when your colon turns 50, regular screenings are suggested since colon cancer, in its early stages, often shows no signs or symptoms at all.

So … Bottom’s up!

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