Bowled over by bad commercials

By JOHN JAMES MARSHALL/Designated Writers

I love bowl games. All of them. For me, there’s no such thing as too many bowl games. And I really don’t care how meaningless they are.

Because they really aren’t meaningless to me. The two weeks of bowl season are the one time of the year I will wager, thereby rendering them meaningful to me. (If you knew how little the wagers are, you’d laugh. So I’m not going to tell you.)

These are two weeks in which I basically have nothing to do, so it works perfectly into my schedule. I’m all into the Bahamas Bowl every bit as much as the Orange Bowl. There were supposed to be 42 bowls, but there ended up only being 37 (dammit). I think I watched at least part of 32 of them.

This qualifies me as an expert. Not on college football, but on all the things that are far less important. Because some advertisers buy an entire bowl package, that means you see many of the same commercials over and over.

Topping the list of commercials that make my eyeballs bleed is the one by Verizon with the crazy blonde lady in the red dress and the high heels that she can’t walk in. Everything about it is cringe worthy, so much so that I turn the channel whenever it comes on. Serious question — does she walk that way on purpose? They tell me she’s on Saturday Night Live, but since I haven’t watch that show since the 1990s, that doesn’t help.

Don’t get cocky over there, Allstate. All three of the commercials you’ve been showing about how you will “protect” people’s vehicles also just as annoying, only three times as much. Lowlighting the list are these three — lifting the guy’s car out of the stadium parking lot, the band following behind the lady as she goes through the car wash and, my least favorite, the one where the car turns into a float with the cheerleaders appearing on the side. The problem here is that the songs they use in each of the three are ones that are actually on my playlist (don’t judge me). Somebody needs to sue for copyright violations.