Thanksgiving Day, Designated Writers will take the day off to overeat food and over-watch football and stealthily dodge anything that even looks like it might resemble work — unless it entails walking to an icebox.

And no, you do not have to eat Traditional Thanksgiving Food to be legit. I ate cheeseburgers on Thanksgiving when I was growing up. It didn’t hurt me. (Wait…oh dear God! Maybe THAT’s why…?)

We will be back Friday and John James, unless he is in a sweet potato casserole coma — he won’t be in a ham or dressing or cranberry sauce coma because he won’t eat them (I know, right?!) — will bring you a Black Friday Special Edition Daily Happen.

You will want to check that out. It’s for your own good.

Today’s Happen is only a flare over the bow to say that Black Friday Eve Eve is upon us. To me, this means squat. I would be caught at a soccer match or parade before I would be caught out and about in the world of retail on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

But if I WERE planning to go out on Black Friday, here is what I’d do to prepare: Pay someone $100 to make sure I DON’T go. Tie me up. Drug me. Put me in time out. It would be the best 100 big ones I’ve ever spent. That includes the time I spent that much to ride the Swamp Fox rollercoaster over and over again from daylight to dusk at the beach in South Carolina, so I’m saying something here.

Here is how to properly prepare for Black Friday, or at least how I do it:

About 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day — Black Friday Eve — throw out the ceremonial first deviled egg. Throw out the second one about 10:05.

About 11 a.m., you are ready for My Spousal’s Crab Dip. This is a constant all day, or until you run out of Ritz.

Eat at 1. That way you can re-eat at 6.

Between eatings, find desserts. Maybe a cup of coffee. A couch. Pretend to watch football.

Rinse, repeat.

Sleep ’til 8 Friday, wake and say, “Dang, too late now; I’ve missed all the good sales.” Then throw out Black Friday’s ceremonial first deviled egg, pat yourself on the back — or on the stomach — and enjoy your day.

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