First ran in Sunday April 18, 2021 editions of Gannett newspapers
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
When is this Super Pink Moon I keep hearing about and what is the deal? Bet it’s some government deal. The moon’s not pink; it’s yellow. Even I know that!
Jim “Moon” Beam in Bunkie
Dear Jim,
Actually the moon is without color but … we’ll get to that. Believe it or not, the Super Pink Moon is actually a real thing. It will reach peak illumination on Monday, April 26, at 12:33 a.m. Central Daylight time, which is approximately four hours after Paperboy will be in bed. According to people paid to consider these types of events, it will still be looking bright and large around 5:30 a.m. on the 27th. But if you don’t want to get up that early, you’ll still see a bright moon if you can make it until midnight. In spaceman’s terms, it’s called a supermoon because it’s a full moon that happens to be the closest it gets to the Earth during its orbit. In 2021, we’ll have celebrated the Grand Slam of Supermoons: there was one in March, there’s one next week, and there will be one, unless something drastic happens, like Jupiter resigning from the Solar System, in May and June. The full moon in April will appear about 7% larger and 15% brighter than your normal full moon.
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
Hold onto your moon rocks. You can’t fool me. I am of Social Security age and have never seen a “pink moon” and am not blind. Are you funning?
Ronnie in Nashville
Dear Ronnie,
No one, unless they were on LSD or had just studied all night for a calculus exam, has ever seen a pink moon. Historians tell us these supermoons were named, likely by Native Americans, for seasons. April’s is a Pink Moon because of phlox, a pink flower that typically blooms in April in North America. Or because of the pink Supper Bubble or Big League Chew, a gum Little Leaguers are partial to this time of year. The Super Flower Moon (true story) will come on May 26 and is so named because so many flowers will be in bloom in North America then. We’re not scheduled to have a Supermoon in August, but if we did, it would be called (and you already knew this) the “It’s Not So Much The Heat, It’s The Humidity, Although It IS The Heat, Who Are We Kidding?” Moon.
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
You seem to know a lot about space. How come?
Moonlight Graham
Dear MG,
It’s once in a blue moon that a Pink Moon, or any other moon event, sneaks up on Paperboy. What Paperboy knows about cricket or nanosystems or panty hose, you could put in a teacup and have room left over for a couple of Oreos and a Snickers bar. Maybe even half an Almond Joy to boot. But Paperboy knows about space, mainly because he’s got plenty unfilled between his ears.
Paperboy was putting together plastic lunar modules and Saturn Vs in the mid-60s, same time Neil Armstrong was learning to tie a moon boot. While Paperboy could not do the multiplication tables, he knew where Mission Control was. And Cape Canaveral. And knew almost as much about Sputnik and the Gemini Program as he did about Tammy Wynette, which was a lot. When you grow up 43 miles from an interstate and you’re not driving a tractor, you read a good bit.
Dear Ask the Paperboy,
Worst Dad Joke about space you’ve ever heard? I already regret asking.
Joey in Jonesboro
Dear Joey,
So …
What did the alien say to the garden?
“Take me to your weeder!”
(Paperboy already regrets answering.)
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