By JOHN JAMES MARSHALL/Designated Writers

A dozen Titleists would have been great — and actually, expected — but I ended up getting the greatest Father’s Day present. Ever.

The biggest question is, How did I live without this for so long? It’s called a Deebot N79W and it’s the greatest invention since the internet. Or the Automatic Teller Machine. Or TiVo. Or air conditioning. Your call.

All I know is this: Other than a refrigerator and HD TV, it’s most important thing a single male human being with two cats can possibly own.

For years, if not decades, I have searched and searched for a vacuum cleaner that would measure up to my exacting specifications. I have failed, failed again and continued to fail. I’ve even watch the infomercials of how to buy the perfect vacuum cleaner. Didn’t happen for me.

And now you’re telling me there’s a vacuum cleaner and I don’t even have to do anything?!?! That’s right boys and girls; the Deebot N79W is robotic. Charge it up, press a button and let it happ’n, cap’n.

I took the afternoon off at work just to come home and watch. This baby will whip around chair legs, ottomans, coffee tables, etc., like nobody’s business and just sweeping up as it goes along it’s merry robotic way. There hasn’t been a suction device of any kind reach under my bed since 2004. But the Deebot N79W got all up in there and then popped out looking for more action.

Carpet, bare floors … it don’t make no nevermind. And check this out — when the battery gets low, it actually makes it’s way back and climbs into the charging station like a homesick gopher.

But the question is not how could the Deebot N79W handle the cat hair but rather how could Laverne (pictured, above) and Shirley (not pictured, in hiding) handle the Deebot N79W? They don’t quite know what to make of it — it’s not exactly as cute as a ball of yarn — but they are more than a little curious. (Or course, that’s what cats are supposed to be.) Eventually, all will learn to co-exist. Hey, as long as the carpets and floors are clean, all’s good.

Still, I am left to wonder: If the Deebot N79W is so great, how much greater must a Deebot N80W be?